sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize