did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
