And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
