I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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