Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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