is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think i peed on brittanys purse
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
