Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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