I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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