I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
