apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
