But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
