I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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