if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
