Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
