fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
