i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
