That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
