You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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