lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
