i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
