airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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