You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
