well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
