Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
