Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize