I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
