my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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