I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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