all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
