I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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