my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My liver just had a heart attack.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
