don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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