At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The power of my boobs compel you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
