I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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