so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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