It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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