she was so not down for the gang bang
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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