I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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