Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
