we have officially lost it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize