i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
