Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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