woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
