I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
