Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
