forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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