my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
