I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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