what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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