Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
