That's intense
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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