So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
