Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
