Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
