I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
