Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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