omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
