I cannot find my penis.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
