I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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