I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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