Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I had to cum in my sink.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
