So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
...so i touched it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
