Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
