forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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