i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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