I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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