I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sext me about skeletons
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
