Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
