Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize