When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
