That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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