can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
