She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
