Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
