Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
