I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
