we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
