no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
