Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
