hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
