Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Houston, we have a squirter
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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