the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I deserve this hangover.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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