Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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