Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
