I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
