yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
