And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
