Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
