Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
