Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
