I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize