worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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