I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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