the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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