I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
