Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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