his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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