There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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