I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
