My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
